The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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