man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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