areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My vagina is officially offended.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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