on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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