I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
whose ass print is on the piano?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
