my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
