...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
