On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
