I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
