Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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