false alarm. still invincible.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
