I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
