I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
