Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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