Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
