Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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