it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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