How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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