I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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