for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
