You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
