Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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