They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
