After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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