dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
