You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
