Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
