Moan for me like Helen Keller
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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