if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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