it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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