he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
