Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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