Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
