if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
