Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
