Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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