So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
