I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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