I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
