Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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