I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
