thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
