my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
