38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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