Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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