peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
