Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
