It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
