ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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