I think I died a long time ago.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
