we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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