Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
